Do narcissists always return to former victims?

H G Tudor, Narcissistic Sociopath who writes extensively about this condition.

Answered Sep 5, 2016

Yes we do. There are two essential ingredients that govern this.

  1. Have you triggered the potential for us to hoover you? This means that you have entered one of our spheres of influence. You may have telephoned us, or we saw you across the street or you just happened to pop in our mind; and

  2. Are the conditions right for executing the hoover. This means can we contact you easily enough? Will we get fuel from you? What are you defences like? Are there any obstacles? What type of narcissist is considering hovering you? (We have different cognitive ability, differing levels of malice and energy)

I make repeated mention of how we always come back for more. This of course is the brilliance of the hoover. Some people struggle to comprehend that we will always keep returning for more fuel, if the opportunity arises. Why would we not? We love fuel. We love your fuel (after all that was why you were chosen as the primary source) and even better we love the hoover fuel which you provide. The hoover serves many functions. First and foremost, it provides us with fuel. It is also a means of exerting control, seeing how the land lies for potential further machinations, a means of preventing you moving forward, a means of hindering your understanding, a method of reinforcing our superiority, dominance and omnipotence. It serves these functions and many more. Hoovers take place throughout the dance with our kind, but most possible associate them with the aftermath, the period following escape or more likely discard. When we look at the hoover in such a scenario, when we come back for more, we do so for one of the following three reasons: -

http://1.To draw you back into the relationship again so that the whole narcissistic cycle can begin once more;

http://2.To hurt you. We don’t want the formal relationship again but we want to remind you of how worthless you are and thus we aim to hurt you through this form of hoover; draw some positive fuel (it may be a drop or it may be lashings of it) but we do not want the formal relationship to start again or indeed ever, but we know you provide delicious hoover fuel so we will keep coming back for more. We do not do enough to recommence the formal relationship but we certainly extract some fuel from you. It might be a text, it may be a telephone call or personal visit, but it is passing. It may only take a moment or an afternoon, but it is temporary and then having extracted the fuel we will withdraw again (only to appear at some later stage). The formal relationship does not begin again.

It is this third manoeuvre (which is a benign follow-up hoover) which often confuses people. You can understand hoovering to start the relationship again. You can understand lashing out at us and being nasty because hey, after all we are Grade A Bastards aren’t we? However, why make the effort to gain some fuel and then withdraw again? It may be because we have a reliable primary source in place but cannot resist a slurp of the hoover fuel. It may happen because circumstance makes it too good to resist. There are several factors but one of the chief factors is the role which you are allocated post escape/discard. The application of the benign follow-up hoover which does not seek the restoration of the formal relationship relies on you conforming to a particular role and the fuel which flows from it. There are many different roles which can be assigned to you at this point, but here are ten of them.

1.The Wish You Well

Whenever we hoover you, you ask with your well-known decency how we are faring, you ask about our progress workwise, our health and about all other matters. You do so with that goodness of heart and nature for which you as an empathic person is famed and whilst there is no torrent of raging emotion, your kindness and compassion still fuel us. You may well have largely moved on from us, but you are unable to sever all ties. You know not to go back but you cannot help but always want to hear that we are doing good and that you can accordingly wish us well.

2.The Optimist

This contact gives you hope that there might be a return to the golden period. You do not push it, since you know how this can cause us to react, but you are receptive to our advance, pleased, no delighted to hear from us and you engage with enthusiasm, trying to keep your pulsating heart under control. You see each time we “drop by” as the possibility that this time we sweep you in our arms and take you back once more. Each time you are disappointed but this does not dim your hope and optimism, perhaps next time will be the time?

3.The Guilty

You feel bad that the relationship did not work out and you blame yourself as much (if not more) than us for its demise. Your status as a love devotee means that you still believe that love will conquer all and you spend your time apologising for what you did that was wrong and that which you did not do right. Of course we do nothing to cause you to think any different, enjoying your self-flagellation which always rises to the surface whenever we get in touch.

4.The Navel Gazer

You are obsessed with understand who you are and regard your interaction as an integral part of that. You want our views and opinions on your introspection and use any contact from us as an opportunity to invite us to comment about you, no matter how brutal it might be. You believe that you are unable to establish who you truly are without understanding the nature of your relationship with us and each occasion that we reach out to your again provides you with an opportunity to engage for the purpose of finding these answers. Your reliance on us is both edifying and fuelling.

5.The Healer

You will not let go of the notion that we can be fixed and any interaction between us results in you resuming the mantle of being that healer, putting our interests ahead of your own with the inevitable fuel which arises from your compassionate and kind-hearted behaviour.

6.The Nymph

You hate us for what we did but the sex was oh so good and you cannot resist the lure of a late night text for some sexual interaction in the hope that it might lead to a tussle between the sheets again. You maintain that all you want is sexual gratification and adopting this stance is a form of payback for us, but your engaging with us through sexting and flirtation provides us with the hoover fuel that we want.

7.The Tourniquet

You are not a tourniquet but you need one. You cannot work out what has happened and every engagement is a fuel-filled questioning session as to why did we do what we did, why did we hurt you, why did we say those things, why did we mess around and such like. The pain remains raw and the fuel that flows from it is too good to resist.

8.The Old Reliable

You know you should ignore us but you cannot. Those messages we send are like a nagging itch and you need to scratch so badly. Of course we know this and we regard you as a reliable source of hoover fuel. All we need to do is send a message and you will respond in some form or another, you cannot help yourself.

9.The Contender

You want back in and you are going to prove to us how damn fine you are and what an a-hole we are for letting you go in the first place. You will tell us just how good you will be for us, what you will do and how we will never get anybody better than you as you do your utmost to convince us that you should come back into our arms. Even if we rebuff you, you will not give up because your desire to be our intimate partner is huge and so with it is the fuel that you provide.

10.The Burning Oil Well

Your flow of fuel just cannot be shut off. Red Adair would never be able to snuff out the flames and cap the oil well. You are angry, seething, furious at the way you have been treated and you hate us. You absolutely hate us. Each time we reach out to you, you seize the opportunity to vent your anger at us, insulting us, labelling us and going on like some crazed harpy. You think it will upset us but you don’t understand the nature of fuel and whilst we may argue back it is all done to keep this blazing fuel flowing.

You can read more about the triggers for hoovers and the circumstances in which they may happen and the reasons for that on my blog which has a wealth of information about how we behave and think. Knowing the Narcissist

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12/13/18 12:52pmSEE MORE: MUSIC

CLEVELAND, OH—Expressing regret after being misled by the ruthless stunt, the Rock & Rock Hall of Fame rescinded the nomination they offered to The Cure Thursday after discovering the band was voted in as a cruel prank by popular kids. “We will no longer be inducting The Cure to the Hall after learning they were selected to join our 2019 class by a group of jocks and preps who wanted to mess with the shy band,” said the organization’s president Greg Harris, as the goth rock group’s initial excitement quickly turned to despair after learning of the mischievous trick, causing the sensitive members to cry so hard their makeup streaked down their faces. “While we appreciate The Cure’s musical contributions, the band will not be taking part in our annual ceremony. We feel for the group—they thought they were finally being accepted, but it turns out the cool kids just wanted to embarrass them.” At press time, the organization had inducted the Dave Matthews Band instead.

cannot wait to see how this plays out. If he goes down will he take Bill and HRC with him? No, He can’t say anything about the Clintons, they’ll have him killed, suicided…….

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Nolte: Colorado’s Religious Persecution of Masterpiece Cakeshop Continues


The Associated Press

20 Dec 2018251


Once the left embraced behavior and sexuality as a civil right, and did so with the full backing of our corrupt media, it was the beginning of the end for the most vital element of American life, that unwritten social compact that so beautifully nutshells the Constitution — the idea of “Live and Let Live.”

For 200-plus years, the idea of live and let live helped to make America the freest nation on earth. Laws were not required to enforce this concept, because we were all raised right – taught that I may not agree with what you do or say, but as long as it doesn’t interfere with my right to do and say, I’ll defend your rights.

This is why no one would demand a Jewish deli cater a pork eating contest, a mosque to rent their hall to a bikini contest, a printing company owned by gay men design a flier protesting same-sex marriage, or a left-wing screenwriter pen a hagiography about Ronald Reagan.

We don’t do these things to each other in this country. We respect each other’s beliefs, even if we believe they are foolish or wrong-headed. The idea of forcing someone to do something that violated their religious, moral, or political contest was inconceivable…

Until now.

Although, going back to the early ’90s, I have believed committed same-sex couples deserve all the same rights as married  couples, I also knew same-sex marriage was the camel nose in the tent when it came to the persecution of Christians — and I do mean Christians, because you do not see left-wing activists or the media attacking the Muslim faith over its position on homosexuality.

Case in point, Masterpiece Cake Shop, whose owner, cake artist Jack Phillips, is not only being serially-harassed and persecuted by left-wing activists, but by his own government, the state of Colorado.

And now, even after everything this man has been put through over the last six years, even after winning a Supreme Court case with a 7-2 vote, he is back in court for refusing to design a cake … this time, one that celebrates trangenderism.

If you recall, back in 2012, Phillips refused to design a cake celebrating the marriage of two men. Phillips was more than happy to serve the men. He offered to sell them any cake in the store, including a wedding cake. But just as a movie director-for-hire  or writer-for-hire, just as a Oliver Stone, Seth MacFarlane, or Barbra Streisand would never lend their artistic talents to art that violated their conscience, Phillips declined to use his artistry for the same reason.

But rather than respect the social compact, rather than be good Americans in the spirit of live and let live, this same sex couple sought to destroy Phillips and his business. Even after they received a wedding cake from another baker, the two men filed a complaint against Phillips with the state, and what followed was something right out of Orwell’s 1984.

The laughably-named Colorado Civil Rights Commission ordered Masterpiece Cake Shop to start making same-sex cakes and “to change its company policies, provide ‘comprehensive staff training’ regarding public accommodations discrimination, and provide quarterly reports for the next two years regarding steps it has taken to come into compliance and whether it has turned away any prospective customers.”

Now, keep in mind that the issue here is not serving gay couples — which Phillips was happy to do — the issue here is whether or not an American can be forced by the state to create art that violates his religious conscience.

Let me again make this is as clear as possible… This is the government forcing an artist to make art. Forget about cake baking. Imagine the government forcing a devout Muslim cinematographer to shoot a porn film, a black portrait painter to paint David Duke, a gay t-shirt designer to design a t-shirt that declares homosexuality a sin…

But the above would never happen in Colorado, or anywhere else, because this is about persecuting and bullying only one group of people — traditional Christians, which is why, almost exactly a year ago, the Supreme Court ruled 7-2 in favor of Masterpiece Cake based on the anti-Christian bigotry of the Colorado Civil Rights Commission.

But because the fascist left never quits, Jack Phillips is back in court for the exact same reason, but only after being further tormented by the left.

All along, left-wing activists have been gunning to find a way to put Masterpiece Cake Shop out of business, if not through the courts, then through legal expenses and harassment.

“I’m thinking a three-tiered white cake. Cheesecake frosting,” one customer demanded of Phillips. “And the topper should be a large figure of Satan, licking a 9” black Dildo. I would like the dildo to be an actual working model, that can be turned on before we unveil the cake.”

And now, in what Phillips’ lawyers are correctly describing as an “obvious setup,” a Denver attorney demanded Phillips use his artistic talents to design “a cake last year that was blue on the outside … to celebrate her transition from male to female.”

Here’s the kicker… “She asked for the cake on the same day the U.S. Supreme Court announced it would consider Phillips’ appeal of the previous commission ruling against him.”

Naturally, Scardina filed a complaint against Phillips and a “judge said he was inclined to let the case move forward and would issue a written ruling later.”

So once again, the fascist state has Phillips in its clutches.

Keep in mind that this is not just about destroying one man, it is about intimidating and terrorizing all Christians. It is also about destroying the social fabric of America — the joyous freedom we all enjoy in a live and let live world.


Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNCFollow his Facebook Page here.